Sometimes, when I can’t walk through the house without tripping over a Batmobile or stepping on a Lego, I worry that we may be spoiling the kids, but this weekend, I read something in Readers Digest that made me feel better.
It’s a piece called “Our Overprivileged Children,” and it’s from the February 1939 issue (something my dad found at a flea marketing).
It made me feel better because I realized spoiling kids is nothing new.
The essay, by a child psychologist with the city of New York’s Child Adjustment and School Service Division, scolded the parents of 72 years ago for giving into their children’s every whim.
“They surround them with possessions which they themselves were denied in their own youth,” the psychologist wrote:
“One father I know presented his 10-year-old boy with an expensive movie camera before the child had expressed any desire for it or mastered the elements of photography. Another parent gave his 9-year-old son a costly airplane model powered by a miniature gas engine. On its first flight the machine was wrecked.”
It’s like the digital camera my wife’s parents gave Thing 1 for Christmas. It’s a nice camera, better than our 6-year-old camera. Thing 1 took it with her when we went to a Nashville Sounds game last weekend. I carried it for safekeeping, but after I’d taken a few pictures with it, she insisted on holding it herself. It was her camera, and I was wasting pictures, so she’d hold it.
Thing 1 and Thing 2, before the game.
She’d had it maybe 5 minutes before she dropped it onto the hard concrete of the bleachers. Luckily, it wasn’t broken, but if she’d bought it with her own money, I’ll bet she’d hold it tighter.
In the essay, the child psychologist says, “I would say to parents, ‘Give more of your own time and interest to your children’s affairs.’ They are quick to appreciate the difference between lavish gifts — hollow things at best — and your companionship, your comradely concern for their pleasures and work,” which is pretty much why I like taking the kids to Sounds games in the first place. We sit, hang out, talk about whatever and eat ice cream out of little plastic baseball helmets.
Giving kids time and companionship is better than giving them more stuff. That was good advice 72 years ago, and it’s true today.
Of course, I still need to train the kids to pick up their toys, especially the Legos, because when walking in the house barefoot, those things hurt.
I think I’m most surprised by the date of the Readers Digest piece–the tail-end of The Great Depression. I guess that just goes to show that, even in the the worst economic era of our country’s history, parents still wanted to make sure their children didn’t “go without.”
I think it’s all relative. The things that spoiled kids in the 1930s are probably the kinds of toys kids today would play with once then forget about. I think it’s normal for parents to want to their kids to have fun toys — if only to avoid a meltdown in the middle of Target.
I don’t make much money and I don’t believe in charging anything for “fun.”
Medical bills, an emergency hot water heater replacement, car repairs and orthodontists don’t count (neither does education).
I can’t “give” my nieces much and I could never keep up with the things their parents (deeply, deeply in debt) buy them.
They’d rather be with me on the farm than anywhere else. #2niece says, “My tummy feels good when I’m with you.” #1niece loves everything (except bugs and who can blame her), even if it means she can just get away from her sisters to read or spend time in my kitchen as sous chef. #3niece is still quite young but she loves the FREEDOM of roaming with the dog and going in and out of the house at her whim. There’s no cars to watch out for, there’s chores to do (and be proud of so-doing) but there’s no new shiny–or rarely so.
I think they like talking about their days, too–without being told, “Go watch a movie.”
The kid in me thinks hanging out on a farm and eating well and roaming the farm with a dog sounds better than Disneyland.
I never had Disney movies, books or Dr. Seuss (any of that) in my childhood–working, even at age 3! But! For them (and you) being on a “play farm” is most awesome. You have to figure it’s a practically wild adventure, like a safari. Even the 12yo is still a little afraid of the forests (which do have bobcats, rare mountain lions & bears and plenty of venomous snakes)!
I’m so happy that you shared that article and that you’re cutting yourself some slack. This parenting stuff is hard work and there is no right or wrong. I do try to hammer value into my kids and let them understand the cost of things. Fact is, as you’ve pointed out, the grandparents do more than we do in the gifting area. Can’t believe your blog is only a year old Todd. I really enjoy your writing and am pretty sure that I first found you when you did one on baseball that was Freshly Pressed.
Oh, there’s a wrong way, all right. If your daughter the stripper calls you at 3 a.m. asking for money to bail out her boyfriend, who’s a drummer, then I think most parenting experts would agree you’ve done it the wrong way!
I don’t remember how we found each other, but I’m glad we did, Tammy.
TG I have no daughter.
Agreed…a Lego to the instep is one of the most painful things ever!
We had a similar incident with a cellphone…we went to a Sand Sculpture competition with the kids last summer. We told them not to take their phones into the water. Long story short, one cellphone tucked into a sister’s bikini top ended up fried in saltwater when its bearer tripped and fell. The owner’d had it less than a month…we bought her a new one…sigh…
Wendy
I think that would be a tough call, replacing the phone under those circumstances. You want her to stay connected, but phones aren’t cheap. Tough call.
I guess the “experts” have always cautioned parents not to buy their kids’ love with things, rather than spending quality time with them, huh, Todd? But it’s hard not to give those you love presents. Seems like you’re striking a good balance, and that’s what it comes down to — balance. Now, as to those Legos? Well, what can I say? Been there, done that! Often, I wish I’d bought stock in that company — my son alone could have kept them solvent!
Do you have any idea how much profit there is in a box of Legos? Factor in the cost of raw materials, manufacturing and marketing, and you’ve probably invested only $3, max, in a playset that retails for $50.
The fact that you are concerned about spoiling your children in itself is a sign that they never will be. It is a good thing to be aware of the luxuries you and your family are allowed. That means you truly appreciate and enjoy them. Good for you. It might be a good idea to make it a habit of wearing slippers in the house.
The Legos are only a tiny part of the clutter. Thing 2 has a real problem with putting toys back. He thinks he needs every toy out and on the floor 24/7, because there’s no telling whem Batman might need to use Speed Racer’s car, or the Joker might want to hide in the Fisher-Price Little People’s Barn — or get away by stealing a Hot Wheel.
I admire Cole’s grandparents for having never been the kind of grandparents to buy out the toy store–they have taken him on some wonderful trips, set up rafting trips, and mountain picnics when he visits and most of all are very interested in everything he wants to talk about. They spend time and buy experiences for their only grandchild. Joe, my dearly departed was much the same way he never complained about $1,500 for travel soccer but very seldom would buy “stuff” for Cole. Then there is me. I seldom say no. The upside is having a kid who does not ask for much but he does have all the latest gadgets-and I do mean all. Is my kid spoiled yes, but not rotten.
Sounds like your family has struck a nice balance, Katybeth!
Ah, a post after my own heart. I love digging through old mags like that. Truth never gets old.
There was another neat article in that issue about this newfangled business of market research. It explained out public opinion polling worked and told how marketers were using it to decide what products housewives might buy, because, you know, guys never bought stuff on their own back then.
I don’t think kids have the capacity to appreciate or value toys after a certain level is reached. They care about the first four gifts, but the level of excitement decreases with each addition.
True, but they do care about parity. If one child gets 5 presents, the other one will complain she got only 4, even if that 5th present was only socks and underwear.
Time is so huge,and it is really apparent in a group of kids which ones get that gift and which dont.
There’s no pain quite like a lego in your arch, is there?
I echo your thoughts Todd. Giving your kids expensive things is no claim to fame when you don’t give them the time or the necessary guidance they need as your children.
Ha ha, I hope those toys on the floor do better the next time onwards. I remember being injured by this motorbike my notorious cousin had once parked on our living room floor.
It’s like the evergreen comment of “Kids these days…” said with a slow shake of the head. The change is relative. Kids get spoiled sometimes. Hopefully, it’s mostly with love.
Thanks for sharing this great find from the past~