In a brilliant bit of viral marketing, the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta have issued instructions for what to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
Basically, the CDC says we’re supposed to prepare for the zombie apocalypse the same we’d prepare for any natural disaster or pandemic, by putting together an emergency kit:
- Water (1 gallon per person per day)
- Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
- Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
- Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery-powered radio, etc.)
- Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
- Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
- Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
- First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)
It’s probably no coincidence that the CDC is talking about zombies right before the June 1 start of hurricane season, but if the organization had issued a news release saying, “Get ready for hurricane season,” the media (and bloggers) would have ignored it.
Brilliant, and kudos to the bureaucrat who agreed to issue a statement on a make-believe threat.
The CDC even explains that it would treat a zombie apocalypse the same as it would treat any disease outbreak:
If zombies did start roaming the streets … CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine)….
Disappointingly, there are no instructions for “killing” the walking dead, although, if you’ve seen “Zombieland,” you know about the double-tap (shoot ’em, then shoot ’em again, in the head), and if you watched “The Walking Dead,” you know a bow-and-arrow can come in handy because it’s lethal and silent, meaning it won’t attract other zombies to your location.
But also, if you’ve seen “The Walking Dead,” you know even the CDC isn’t safe from the zombie apocalypse, and that, once the zombie apocalypse arrives, we’re all doomed. (On the show, when the last surviving CDC research fails to find a cure, the CDC blows up real good.)