This could be the saddest name for a product, ever

This was sitting in the break room at work. It’s a dishwashing liquid called non-ultra Joy.

I can’t think of a sadder product name.

It’s so underwhelming. They didn’t even bother to capitalize “non-ultra.” On the label, it says, “non-ultra Joy.”

That’s like calling a product not-quite Happy or not-terribly Enthusiastic.

It sounds like an example of Newspeak from George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four. It sounds doubleplussad.

Sometimes on “Mad Men,” a show about advertising executives on New York’s Madison Avenue in the 1960s, the characters describe the essence of a product, what it means, how it makes you feel. It isn’t a suitcase so much as a promise, for example, a promise of travel, perhaps, or a promise of romance, of hope. I picture the whiz kids at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce looking at this product and going, “Meh.”

Wikipedia says Joy has been around since the 1940s and comes in two strengths: “ultra,” which is concentrated, and “non-ultra,” which isn’t. Wikipedia doesn’t explain why P&G didn’t go with a name that’s more enthusiastic than “non-ultra,” like “non-concentrated,” or “regular” or maybe “ordinary.”

Don’t misunderstand. I have nothing against non-ultra Joy as a product. It’s perfectly good dishwashing liquid. It does a great job of cleaning our coffee mugs. It’s good stuff, this non-ultra Joy, but the name makes me think I’ll find something better if I just keep looking.

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26 thoughts on “This could be the saddest name for a product, ever

  1. Buick had a Park Avenue mode l that was enhanced to the point they attached the chromed name “Ultra” to it. I guess that makes my Dad’s Park Avenue “non-Ultra” .

    Somehow I doubt the distinction makes either model anything less than like driving the USS Nimitz. When I borrow the car my wife has to waive off F-18′s that keep trying to land on it. I find parking it is easiest when I point the nose up into the wind and bring her in gently to the curb then issue the command “Anchors Aweigh”.

  2. Wal-Mart-brand Oreos, on the other hand, are called Twist & Shout. Now there’s a product with some action and pizazz! Shake it up baby, now!

    I find it incredible that a national name-brand company has named its product something this lackluster. non-ultra Joy … clean dishes? I don’t give a shit”

  3. I felt the same way about the Multi-Grain Cheerios commercial: “More grains! Less you!”
    It’s enough to give someone a complex….
    Nobody wants me, they just want the grains. I’ll go drown myself in a bowl of Fruit Loops.

  4. I often watch tv commercials and go, “Don’t they ever vet this stuff?” It would take a group of 6 people to have watched ‘that’ add and say, “Are you serious?”
    Obviously, they do not vet names either.

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