‘Future events such as these will affect you in the future’

Greetings, my friends. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives, and remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Criswell, Plan 9 From Outer Space

I posted something the other day about a couple of old science-fiction movies set in the year 2013. Escape from L.A. (1996) was about a guy escaping from a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles, I think, while The Postman (1997) was about a lone letter carrier who delivers hope in a post-apocolyptic world, one letter at a time, or something. (I never saw either of them.)

That got me thinking:

We really are living in a world that would have seemed like science-fiction a generation ago.

This is how we’ll dress in 2036, according to Things to Come (1936).

Smartphones. Skype. GPS. Kindles. If someone had told you 20 years ago that you could stream movies onto a 50-inch, crystal-clear TV screen hanging flat against the wall for less than the cost of a movie ticket, you wouldn’t have believed them.

Heck, even the idea of a blog would have seemed crazy a generation ago. Seriously, you mean anyone can write anything they want, and people all over the planet can read it instantly and talk to you about it?

What’s funny is that none of this feels like “the future.”

It turns out that the future sneaks up on you and is a lot less snazzy than I thought it would be when I was a kid.

This is how we dressed for work 14 years ago. (Cast photo from Space:1999.)
This is how we dressed for work 14 years ago, according to Space: 1999 (1976).

We don’t all wear matching jumpsuits or have hover cars or work on the moon. We can buy turtle-sized robots to vacuum the carpet, but we still can’t buy jet packs, and I don’t know anyone who owns a laser gun, although a few have laser pointers, for some reason.

We can put a man on the moon, but we don’t want to. We can pull in 500 cable channels, but mostly it’s just “reality” shows about silly people with daddy issues and persistent low-grade fevers (I’m guessing) doing stupid things so people will look at them.

We haven’t found a cure for cancer, but you can’t watch a ballgame without seeing a dozen adds for drugs to treat erectile dysfunction.

I don’t know. I guess I’m OK with the future not being what it was supposed to be. Things could be better, but they could be a lot worse, and, besides, if you think it through, hover cars would probably just scoot around as freely as a puck on an air-hockey table. I think we’re probably better off without them.

I’m not here today

Today, I’m hanging out over at Blurtblog.net, which is run by the great and powerful Omawarisan. I can’t say enough nice things about Oma or his writing. He’s a good guy and a good writer, and he’s funny and clever and, every once in a while, he’ll throw in a post that’s really touching and gets you.

Plus, he’s sending an Angelina Jolie action figure on a trip to visit bloggers around the world, so how cool is that? It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 2 years since we hosted the Jolie here in Nashville (see picture).

I’ve suggested that, for the last leg of the Jolie’s around-the-world trip, Omawarisan get a weather balloon and fly her into space, like this guy in Canada did with a Lego man, but neither Oma nor I have any idea where to buy weather balloons or that much helium, so that’s probably not going to happen, but it would be cool if it did.

Anyway, I’m not posting anything here today, so head on over to www.BlurtBlog.net and find out why guys tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing “simple” projects around the house. (Hint: There are no “simple” projects. What some might see as a “simple” project is really just the tip of the iceberg, and to accomplish that “simple” project, you’re going to have to deal with that iceberg.) You’re welcome.

I didn’t know ‘sexy Popeye’ was a thing (post-Halloween edition)

Couple months ago, I posted something about “sexy” Halloween costumes (I’m nothing if not edgy). One of the costumes I mentioned was “sexy” Popeye.

I wrote that “sexy” Popeye, as a concept, is deeply disturbing. It’s disturbing, I think, that someone would look at the one-eyed, bald sailor-man and think, “You know what would be hot? If we put him in a miniskirt.”

It turns out that’s a thing.

In the past 30 days, according to WordPress’ search statistics, that several people have stumbled across my blog after searching for some version of the phrase “sexy Popeye,” including “popeye szexy” and “comics de popeye sexy.”

Today is Dec. 6. Thirty days ago would be Nov. 6, a week after Halloween, so I think we can assume none of these people were looking for Halloween costumes.

They were looking for sexy pictures of Popeye.

You’re one sick puppy, Internet.