I’m on a business trip. I check in after dark, and I’m hungry, so I grab a sandwich in the hotel bar, and there’s a guy at the bar wearing sunglasses and watching the playoffs. You can’t not notice this guy, and, finally, the young woman behind the counter goes:
“Has anyone ever told you look like Jack Nicholson?”
It definitely isn’t Jack Nicholson, and he doesn’t really look like Jack Nicholson, but he looks like a guy who’s maybe trying to look like Jack Nicholson. Another hotel employee comes over.
“You’re standing next to someone famous! Don’t you think he looks like Jack Nicholson?”
“Jack” says something I can’t hear. I think he’s doing a Jack Nicholson impression. Whatever he says, the woman behind the bar laughs. Then, another guy walks up and climbs onto the stool next to “Jack.” This guy’s striking, too, but in a different way. He’s maybe 5 feet tall and rumpled-looking, with wild black hair.
The woman behind the counter says to him, “You’re sitting next to someone famous! Don’t you think he looks like Jack Nicholson? Hey, you look someone, too. You know, that guy who was in that movie?”
She means Danny DeVito. He kind of looked like Danny DeVito — not in the face, so much, but sort of overall. Specifically, the character he played years ago on “Taxi.”
So, on a random night at a random hotel, “Jack Nicholson” is hanging out with “Danny DeVito,” watching the playoffs, and I’m eating a sandwich, and I wonder, do these guys know each other? Is there some kind of celebrity-lookalike convention at the hotel that I don’t know about? Is this the cast of a dinner-theater production of “Hoffa”?
The young woman behind the counter keeps stopping passersby and telling them how much the first guy looks like Jack Nicholson and how much the other guy looks like that guy who was in that movie, oh, you know, that movie?
I can’t tell if “Jack” and “Danny” are enjoying the attention, but they apparently don’t mind, because they don’t leave.
I finish my sandwich and head up to the room. This is weird.