Thing 2 (who’s 7 now) is having doubts and asked me the other day whether Santa Claus is real.
I asked him what he thought, and he said he wasn’t sure but that he didn’t see any way that one man on one sleigh could deliver all those toys to every kid on the planet in just one night.
I said that’s not how it works.
I explained that Santa used to deliver all those toys personally. back in the old days, when the population was a lot smaller, but that he uses a lot of helpers these days.
Santa is kind of like FedEx, I said. One truck couldn’t possibly deliver all those packages to all those homes and businesses in all those countries in one 24-hour period, I said, but a fleet of trucks and planes certainly could.
I said Santa runs the operation. He’s like the CEO. The toys are made by the toy companies, not elves. These days, the elves run the warehouse and oversee distribution.
The toys are delivered first to Santa’s headquarters at the North Pole and then, on Christmas Eve, they’re flown on big cargo planes from the central warehouse to regional distribution centers all over the world and then to local distribution centers, where the toys are placed on trucks and driven to people’s homes.
That’s a lot easier and a lot more efficient than trying to pile all those toys on just one sleigh, I said. The delivery truck drivers drink the milk and cookies and send any leftovers to the North Pole, where Santa shares them with the elves.
Thing 2 thought about it for a moment or two. “I don’t get it,” he said.
That’s OK, I said.
27 thoughts on “Santa is kind of like FedEx”
Hah, what a gat way to look at it. Love this story!
And knowing when to end the explanation is critical
I try, Oma. I try.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 are what I call my ex-husbands. 🙂
Can’t wait for the post when you try to explain the birds and the bees to him.
Someone’s gotta explain them to me, first.
HILARIOUS! Don’t look to me for answers, buddy.
Considering I used to work for FedEx this is absolutely brilliant. I love this so much. 🙂 Thank you for making me smile.
So “It’s magic” isn’t an acceptable explanation? Dang it. I’m screwed.
You could do the Seinfeld thing and try changing the subject. “Is Santa real?” Hey, did I tell you we’re getting a boat?
We usually go with “If you don’t believe, you don’t receive.”
I think you did a great job explaining this. The problem is, kids these days are so savvy. And Thing 2 sounds quite bright, meaning he’s naturally going to question something like a red-suited man running a Christmas company.
Oh, like the thought of a milk-and-cookie-fueled supernatural entity who spies on children 24/7 and uses his magical powers to deliver toys makes more sense.
I still like the spying part – he’s part of the NSA.
Santa used to deliver two gifts to each kid until he realized how much he was getting socked with import fees and tariffs.
Ah, ha, ha! Great explanation. Now, I know how to answer the question: how does Santa deliver all of those toys?
I have to hand it to you Todd, this has to be the best ‘how does Santa’ explanation I’ve ever encountered.
Best of all, it’s true (sort of).
Love this Todd! A great explanation!
Lies upon lies upon lies upon lies – let’s hope he doesn’t pick this topic for ‘Show and Tell’ in which case it would just be ‘Tell.’ (Shaking my head) 🙂
Good explanation! My Thing 2 is asking me similar questions and if your answer doesn’t work, I am going with “There is no Santa, Easter Bunny or ToothFairy” just to get them all out of the way ; )
hahah good swerve on the big reveal!
I watch the Official NORAD Santa Tracker website every Christmas Eve. It seems a bit more believable than your story!