Santa is kind of like FedEx

Thing 2 (who’s 7 now) is having doubts and asked me the other day whether Santa Claus is real.

I asked him what he thought, and he said he wasn’t sure but that he didn’t see any way that one man on one sleigh could deliver all those toys to every kid on the planet in just one night.

I said that’s not how it works.

I explained that Santa used to deliver all those toys personally. back in the old days, when the population was a lot smaller, but that he uses a lot of helpers these days.

Santa is kind of like FedEx, I said. One truck couldn’t possibly deliver all those packages to all those homes and businesses in all those countries in one 24-hour period, I said, but a fleet of trucks and planes certainly could.

I said Santa runs the operation. He’s like the CEO. The toys are made by the toy companies, not elves. These days, the elves run the warehouse and oversee distribution.

The toys are delivered first to Santa’s headquarters at the North Pole and then, on Christmas Eve, they’re flown on big cargo planes from the central warehouse to regional distribution centers all over the world and then to local distribution centers, where the toys are placed on trucks and driven to people’s homes.

That’s a lot easier and a lot more efficient than trying to pile all those toys on just one sleigh, I said. The delivery truck drivers drink the milk and cookies and send any leftovers to the North Pole, where Santa shares them with the elves.

Thing 2 thought about it for a moment or two. “I don’t get it,” he said.

That’s OK, I said.

In this 1927 photo, Santa Claus (left) receives his pilot’s license from William P. MacCracken (seated) and Clarence M. Young of the U.S. Department of Commerce. PHOTO: Library of Congress

27 thoughts on “Santa is kind of like FedEx

  1. Considering I used to work for FedEx this is absolutely brilliant. I love this so much. 🙂 Thank you for making me smile.

  2. I think you did a great job explaining this. The problem is, kids these days are so savvy. And Thing 2 sounds quite bright, meaning he’s naturally going to question something like a red-suited man running a Christmas company.

    1. Oh, like the thought of a milk-and-cookie-fueled supernatural entity who spies on children 24/7 and uses his magical powers to deliver toys makes more sense.

  3. Ah, ha, ha! Great explanation. Now, I know how to answer the question: how does Santa deliver all of those toys?

  4. Lies upon lies upon lies upon lies – let’s hope he doesn’t pick this topic for ‘Show and Tell’ in which case it would just be ‘Tell.’ (Shaking my head) 🙂

  5. Good explanation! My Thing 2 is asking me similar questions and if your answer doesn’t work, I am going with “There is no Santa, Easter Bunny or ToothFairy” just to get them all out of the way ; )

  6. I watch the Official NORAD Santa Tracker website every Christmas Eve. It seems a bit more believable than your story!

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